I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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