sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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