I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
