I think i peed on brittanys purse
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
