I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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