after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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