I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
