just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
