What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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