I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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