apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
