Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize