we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
