The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
