she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
