I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
The power of my boobs compel you
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize