Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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