Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
