Pants 0. Shit 1.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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