our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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