Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
