i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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