The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
