worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
