whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
