i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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