felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
