I just threw up on my dentist
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
