I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
