Non-Jews are for practice
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
