it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
