kristin has been a bad kristin
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
