I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
