she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize