so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
