the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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