My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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