found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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