She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
