best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
