I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
