Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
