You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
