Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
