thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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