We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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