Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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