Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
