he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She bit a glass in half.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Boobs speak an international language.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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