Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
