Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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