This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I've blown a few things in my day
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
