youre lurking in front of me
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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