She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
