the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize