nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize