i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
