i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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