Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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