i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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