Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
splinters make it hard to masturbate
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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