I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize