I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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