I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
