I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
