You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
this will be a night to untag.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
