benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
