discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
