i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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