my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
