I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
